- Angel of the Lord
Robbie: Gideon was the son of a Hebrew farmer named Joash. Gideon and all of the other Hebrew people were being enslaved by the evil Midianites. One day, something special happened to Gideon. (Exits.)
Gideon: (Has a California surfer accent. Singing to the tune of Old McDonald)Young dude Gideon had a farm, e-i-e-i-o and on this farm... well, he really didn't have any animals but that was cool because just look at all the grain and stuff I've got. Enough to feed an army! H-H-H-Ha! Stokin'! Hey, what's that dude doin' under our tree?
Angel: I am the angel of the Lord. Gideon! God has chosen You to defeat the Midianites!
Gideon: (A little stunned. Hesitates then slaps the angel on the shoulder.) H-haha, ok dude. What's the joke? Which one of my buds put you up to this? Dude, it was Keegan wasn't it? Man, he's such a trickster!
Angel: There is no trick. I am the angel sent by God to tell you that He is on your side and with His help you will defeat the Midianites.
Gideon: Whoah! You are the real thing aren't you?
Angel: Yes. It is as you say, but we don't have a lot of time. You need to destroy the alter to the god of the Midianites. Their god is a false god and that will bring them to you.
Gideon: Um. Angel dude, let me see if I got this right. I'm supposed to trash the Midianite's favorite statue so they'll get really ticked at me and bring their army to totally wipe me out?
Angel: Again you are correct, young man of God. You will destroy it then gather your people together to fight the Midianites. Now you'd better get started.
Gideon: Dude, some days it just don't pay to get out of bed. (Both exit. Enter Robbie.)
Robbie: So Gideon did what he was told. A couple days later, the Midianites were furious. Even though Gideon destroyed the statue at night, the Midianites had no trouble figuring out that he was the one that destroyed it. They got a huge army together and came after Gideon and his people. Because God was with him, Gideon had no trouble rounding up an army of his own. Gideon had 32,000 men at his command. Gideon stood alone on top of the hill looking down at the enemy in the valley below.
Gideon: H-Ha ha. Dude, we are going to whup those Midianites! There's more guys down there than I can count but who cares! I got 32,000 of my own righteous dudes. This is going to be a piece of..
Gideon: (Meekly looks around. )...cake. Yes?
God: Fear not. I am with you. I am the Lord your God.
Gideon: Oh wow. Boy am I glad it's you. God, thanks for sending all these dudes to come and help me. We are going to waste those Midianites.
God: Funny you should mention that because that is why I am speaking to you now. You have too many soldiers. I want you to send some of them home.
Gideon: (Laughing) Lord, you are SUCH a kidder. Huh huh huh huh... Um, you're not joking either are you?
God: No. So that the Lord your God will be given the praise for this victory and so that the Midianites will know that I am the one true God, I will send you in with far fewer soldiers than the 32,000 you now have. Here is what you must do. Ask the men to come down to the lake over there, only if they are not afraid to fight. Tell any who are scared to go home.
Gideon: My dudes are brave! No way will anybody go home. Watch! (Yelling.) Dudes! Anybody who is way freaked-out can go home, the rest of you (Ha ha, like as if any of you are going to leave.) head down to the lake. (Pauses.) Hey! Where are all you dudes goin'? Look at all those chickens! Well, looks like there are still a bunch of my dudes at the lake!
God: Now tell them all to get a drink and watch how they drink. You will keep anyone who lifts some water into their hand and drinks from his hand. The rest who lay on their bellies and drink straight from the pond you will send home.
Gideon: God? It looks like most of the them are like drinking on their bellies. I think I'm going to be sick. (Yelling.) Ok, dudes. Anybody on their bellies needs to go home. Your mommies are calling. Oh, man. I'm sure glad God knows what he's doing.
God: There is your army Gideon, and with these 300 men. I will give you the victory. You will defeat the Midianites and your people will once again be free!
Gideon: Gnarly! (Exit Gideon. Enter Robbie.)
Robbie: So Gideon and his 300 men went into battle in the middle of the night. They stood at the top of the hill and blew horns and praised God loudly. They broke clay pitchers and waved flaming torches. The Midianites had been sleeping and when they heard the noise, they ran from their tents and God caused them to be so confused, they started killing each other! The Midianites defeated themselves without Gideon and his men having to do anything but praise God. How cool is that!